Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Liberation

Then

“What if I can’t?” I asked with bated breath.
“You have to.” Jared murmured fiercely.
“Why’s that?”
“Because, Melinda, I said so.”

I rolled my eyes at his statement and snorted out a gruff laugh as I slid the last piece of steak into my mouth. We sat in silence for the remaining portion of dinner. I could not force myself to look at him, let alone speak to him. I placed a soft gentle hand on my abdomen. I could not feel anything yet, it was too early for that, but I knew my baby lay inside me, forming.

“Jared, couldn’t we keep it?” I asked, as I got to my feet and picked up the dishes from the table. “It’s just a baby, nothing horrible.”

His hand whacked against my cheek as I reentered the dining room. Pain sliced through my jaw and up my temple as I fell hard against the wooden floor. My eyes watered but I refused to let him see me cry anymore. All day I had been wondering how to tell him, hoping he would not be mad but I guess that was a lost cause now. I was speechless but I had enough strength to pull myself up. How could he hit me when all I wanted to do was keep the child we had made together?

“I told you Melinda, I don’t want kids so you better get rid of it or I’ll get rid of you.” Jared said as he stormed out of the room.

For years, I had put up with abuse from Jared but now I was different. I fought for a little piece of me that had yet to see the light of day – I fought for my unborn child to live. With my decision made, I waited.

Now:

The rain came down in sheets, pelting the ground in a violent undulation that made me shiver with cold. How many times did I look up and down the street, hoping I would never see his face? Maybe it was something that I never would be able to stop myself from doing. Hell, it made me feel safe. Therefore, I checked the tree-lined street once more before I raced across in the pounding rain to the building and swung open the doors in a frenzy.

There I watched her, my daughter Nina. Such a beauty from her blond curls to her high kicks and swings. She was great at martial arts and I made sure of that. At 13, she had Jared’s nose and eyes, much kinder eyes of course but the same color blue. She had no idea who her father was and I was content with that. I allowed her to grow up unfettered without the strict hand of tyranny. Freedom that allowed her to become a wonderful young woman without having to answer to a man that wanted her dead before she even had a chance to live.

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