Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Decision

     I am here again, in the same room, at the same time with the thoughts that haunt my every night.  Darkness filled the sanctuary of my bedroom.  My hand slipped across the bed to touch his arm.  My fingertips grazed along the bumpy fat, so warm.  How many times had I longed for his touch?  He never denied me in all the many years we spent together but now, it was I who pushed him away.  Ethan with his stubborn streak and wild hair was my beautiful disaster.
     The whine of the bed echoed in the silence between his snores as I brought my legs over the side of the bed remembering the fateful conversation just weeks before. 

     “So, what’s wrong with me doc?”  I queried biting my lower lip.
     He flipped through the pages of my chart perplexed as he approached the bed.  Over his glasses that slid down his nose, he peered at me with an agonized stare.  My pulse seized as he placed my limp hand in his, “Rebecca, it’s not good.  With your symptoms of muscle weakness, spasms, mobility restrictions and fatigue I had my concerns, as you are well aware.”
     My mouth went dry and I wanted to scream at him to blurt out the bad news already but I kept my mouth shut tight and shook my head in acknowledgment of what he said.
     “From all of the tests we conducted we found no root cause for your symptoms and have ruled out anything similar to the diagnosis I am about to give you.  You have ALS Rebecca, I am so very sorry.”  He whispered sweetly while his hand squeezed mine.
     “Oh my God, are you serious?”
     “Unfortunately I am, are you familiar with the disease?”
     “Somewhat, isn’t it called Lou Gehrig's disease?”
     “Yes, here are a few pamphlets…” 

     Water fell in drops down my cheeks as the memory faded.  I planted my socked feet onto the hard floor, the window sill I used for balance.  My muscles cramped with every languid step I took toward the closet.  My hand grappled with the cold knob as I swung open the door looking for the sacred book.  I snatched the small Bible; I hid in the back of the closet, and held it against my chest.  Ethan never knew about this small token of Faith I kept for if he did, he would surely brow beat me with his atheist ideals. 

     My body slumped against the paneled wood…. “Dear Lord, please help me.  I can’t do this on my own.”  My hand convulsed and the Bible fell to the floor, open.  I picked up the book and read the passage from Ruth: “Wither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me”. 

     My heart hammered in my chest and I breathed a mumbled, Thank you.



 "Hey mom, can I come home?”  I whispered in the phone. 

    “Always, what’s wrong?”  She questioned through her cotton mouth.        “I can’t stay with Ethan…”  I began looking sorrowfully at the rise and fall of his chest.  “I found someone else.”
    “Well, I’ll be here, when will you be coming?”
    “Be careful and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
    My finger hit the red button and slid the cell into my pocket.  I could not tell her of my condition over the phone.  I needed her arms and warmth when I broke down.  I picked up my bags, grabbed my keys and left a scribbled note of goodbye on my pillow.  The gravel crunched under the weight of my feet as I turned to look at the house one last time.  I loved Ethan as sure as my heart beat but the love for my soul was greater.  In a few years I would die, that was certain but not before I returned to the house I had left years before; the house with the steeple standing proud atop its roof where my gateway to everlasting life waited for me. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


A low growl emitted from deep within his chest as he pulled me close to him and crushed his lips on mine.  Need rippled through me as I tore at his shirt furiously.  His hot sinewy body finally slithered against my own flesh.  My fingers slid throughout his shoulder length hair, pulling his head toward my jugular.  My stomach clenched in anticipation as his mouth settled over the spot that beat in time with my heart.

I could feel the hot wet heat surround me as I strained my hips toward his probing hand.  Ecstasy exploded throughout my body as the razor-sharpened teeth plunged deep into my vein.  My guttural moan sounded foreign, like the sound was from someone else entirely.

With increased yearning, I arched my back to get closer to the feel of his body against mine.  Torrents of pleasure seized through me, as if tiny electric sparks pulled on every nerve in my body.  His hands grabbed at my shoulders violently - my body lost in wondrous ecstasy as he drank more of my essence.

The seething heat from his body radiated through me as he released his teeth and began to kiss my sweaty face our dance of lust done for we both fell asleep soundly in eachothers arms.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Short story - Can you guess what it is?

   My dark unemotional eyes turned toward the quarry where the voices lilted up over the canyon walls.
   Could it be? I wondered hope lifting my spirits.
   I turned, now my body on the right path to see who disturbed my night. No one ever dared this far out beyond the city lights onto the deserted land that I called my home. Home, such a beautiful word when you haven’t been there in months. Traveling always did that I noticed. Longing pierced my heart as I stealthily came upon the lost travelers.

   Huddled together, there were three. Their forms shivered under the midnight moon high in the sky. I never paid much attention to the bitter cold nights, it didn’t bother me. A fragrant tinge tickled my senses, blood. One of the travelers was injured and broken. Overjoyed I felt an odd sense of happiness at their distress. The injured would be my first meal.
   How many days could they last without the sustenance they needed to survive? I did not care, they were mine now, and all I had to do was wait.



“What if I can’t?” I asked with bated breath.
“You have to.” Jared murmured fiercely.
“Why’s that?”
“Because, Melinda, I said so.”

I rolled my eyes at his statement and snorted out a gruff laugh as I slid the last piece of steak into my mouth. We sat in silence for the remaining portion of dinner. I could not force myself to look at him, let alone speak to him. I placed a soft gentle hand on my abdomen. I could not feel anything yet, it was too early for that, but I knew my baby lay inside me, forming.

“Jared, couldn’t we keep it?” I asked, as I got to my feet and picked up the dishes from the table. “It’s just a baby, nothing horrible.”

His hand whacked against my cheek as I reentered the dining room. Pain sliced through my jaw and up my temple as I fell hard against the wooden floor. My eyes watered but I refused to let him see me cry anymore. All day I had been wondering how to tell him, hoping he would not be mad but I guess that was a lost cause now. I was speechless but I had enough strength to pull myself up. How could he hit me when all I wanted to do was keep the child we had made together?

“I told you Melinda, I don’t want kids so you better get rid of it or I’ll get rid of you.” Jared said as he stormed out of the room.

For years, I had put up with abuse from Jared but now I was different. I fought for a little piece of me that had yet to see the light of day – I fought for my unborn child to live. With my decision made, I waited.


The rain came down in sheets, pelting the ground in a violent undulation that made me shiver with cold. How many times did I look up and down the street, hoping I would never see his face? Maybe it was something that I never would be able to stop myself from doing. Hell, it made me feel safe. Therefore, I checked the tree-lined street once more before I raced across in the pounding rain to the building and swung open the doors in a frenzy.

There I watched her, my daughter Nina. Such a beauty from her blond curls to her high kicks and swings. She was great at martial arts and I made sure of that. At 13, she had Jared’s nose and eyes, much kinder eyes of course but the same color blue. She had no idea who her father was and I was content with that. I allowed her to grow up unfettered without the strict hand of tyranny. Freedom that allowed her to become a wonderful young woman without having to answer to a man that wanted her dead before she even had a chance to live.